Car Wrap

Q: What happened when the man crashed his car into the tree?
A: He saw how his Mercedes bends.

Idiot Insurance Forms

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
• I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
• An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
• I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
• In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Ken's New Corvette

Ken is out on the interstate having an evening drive in his new Corvette. He decides to open her up and the needle jumps to 120 mph. Suddenly he sees a flashing red and blue light behind him. He thinks about outrunning the cops, accelerates for a few seconds, then comes to his senses and pulls over. The officer comes over to check his license. “I’ve had a tough shift,” says the officer. “And this is my last traffic stop. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!” “Uh , last week my wife ran off with a cop,” says Ken. “And when I saw your car I was afraid he was trying to give her back!” “Have a nice night,” says the officer.