We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!

New Driver in the Famiy

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family walked out to the driveway and climbed in the car so he could take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Safest Way to Drive

Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

Crazy Nun

One day a little old nun was driving 35 miles an hour down the highway.  A cop pulls her over because she was so slow and asked her why she wasn't going faster.  She points at a sign by the side of the road that said highway 35 on it, saying she thought that was the speed limit. The cop laughs and tells her that it was highway number 35.  

Then looking in the back seat, the cop notices two nuns looking very frightened.  He asks them what was wrong and they said, "We just got off highway 130!"

Souped Up Lincoln

A rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.

The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What aret hose thangs?"

The driver says, "Those are golf tees."

The redneck asks, "What those are for?"

The driver says "Those hold  my balls when I drive."

The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with everythang!"

Ghost Car

Q: Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?

A: It had a nervous breakdown!