Regular Maintenance

A man pushes his car into the garage and tells the mechanic that the engine just died on him down the street. After a few moments of tinkering under the hood, the engine is purring again. “Great,” says the driver. “How did you fix it?” “Just crap in the carburetor,” replies the mechanic. “Okay,” replies the man. “So how often do I have to do that?”

Dealing With Heavy Traffic

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Reducing Travel Risk

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it, then slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."