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The best jokes and joke writers!

Siamese Twins in England

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

A: So the other one could drive.

Bumpy Car Trip

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the other in the passenger seat and one resting in the back. The guy in the back became sleepy and fell asleep. A few minutes later, he is startled by a "THUMP THUMP." "What the hell was that?" he shouted. The driver says, "It was just a redneck." "I felt two thumps, though," says the passenger. "Yeah we had to go through the fence to hit him."

Trade In Value

Get a new car for your spouse; it will be a great trade!

Monkey Witness

A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident. A man and a woman are both dead in the wreckage. He looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something. The cop says, "Hey, monkey, do you know what happened?" The monkey mimes drinking a bottle. "They were drinking? What else?" The monkey mimes smoking a joint. "They were smoking dope? What else?" The monkey mimes sexual relations. "They were screwing? This doesn't make any sense. How did you see all of this?" Monkey mimes driving.

Souped Up Lincoln

A rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.

The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What aret hose thangs?"

The driver says, "Those are golf tees."

The redneck asks, "What those are for?"

The driver says "Those hold  my balls when I drive."

The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with everythang!"