While on a trip with the family, I thought it would be good to teach my 5 year old daughter some things. As we past a sign I told her that is the name of the town for the next exit. As we past the exit I told her how we were passing the town. A few exits later she noticed the sign for gas. As we passed the exit, much to her delight, she informed us we were passing gas.
Siamese Twins in England
Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive.
Bumpy Car Trip
There were three guys in a car. One driving, the other in the passenger seat and one resting in the back. The guy in the back became sleepy and fell asleep. A few minutes later, he is startled by a "THUMP THUMP." "What the hell was that?" he shouted. The driver says, "It was just a redneck." "I felt two thumps, though," says the passenger. "Yeah we had to go through the fence to hit him."
Trade In Value
Get a new car for your spouse; it will be a great trade!
A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident. A man and a woman are both dead in the wreckage. He looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something. The cop says, "Hey, monkey, do you know what happened?" The monkey mimes drinking a bottle. "They were drinking? What else?" The monkey mimes smoking a joint. "They were smoking dope? What else?" The monkey mimes sexual relations. "They were screwing? This doesn't make any sense. How did you see all of this?" Monkey mimes driving.