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The best jokes and joke writers!

Osama Bin Laden in Sand

Q: What do you call Osama Bin Laden buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Plane's Terrorist

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why? Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place." The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all burst into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"

Taliban Tank

Q: How do you stop a Taliban tank?

A: Shoot the guy pushing it!

Saddam and George W. Bush Peace Talk

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!" A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!" Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads

Q & A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:

Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?

A: It's his photo ID.

 

Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?

A: Nothing - yet.

 

Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?

A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

 

Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?

A: Duck.

 

Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

 

Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?

A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

 

Q: What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?

A: The bucket.

 

Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?

A: Two days.

 

Q: Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?

A: They hate bread.

 

Q: Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?

A: The camels can't handle it.