Q: How many American wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5. One to change it 4 to fake it.
9 Comments From Olympic Commentators
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Murphy's Martial Laws
Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:
- The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
- The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
- The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
- The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
- If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
- After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
- After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
- In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
- No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.
I quit gymnastics after I was disqualified because I competed in the wrong event due to a clerical error.
It wasn't my vault.
Make a Pool Table Laugh
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls!