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The best jokes and joke writers!

American Wrestlers

Q: How many American wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 5. One to change it 4 to fake it.

9 Comments From Olympic Commentators

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Murphy's Martial Laws

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

  1. The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
  2. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
  3. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
  4. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
  5. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
  6. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
  7. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
  8. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
  9. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

Timing Error

I quit gymnastics after I was disqualified because I competed in the wrong event due to a clerical error.

It wasn't my vault.

Make a Pool Table Laugh

Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?

A: Put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls!