Sexist Jokes - About Men

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society:

• DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
• PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
• CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.
• COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. * Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
• BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
• NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on former U.S. president, Bill Clinton.
• NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
• FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
• FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
• PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors".
• LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

Q: What's the difference between government bonds and men?

A: Bonds mature.

They say that men only think about sex. That's not exactly true. They also care a lot about power, world domination, money, and beer.

• Element Name: MAN
• Symbol: XY
• Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
• Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging.
• Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
• Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralized by dousing with alcohol.
• Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
• Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Q:  Why don't men get hemorrhoids?

A:  Because they are all perfect assholes!