We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!

Prerequisite For Farting

Q: Why do men break wind more than women?

A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Typical Male

Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?

A: All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

First Date

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber. Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief. He went on, "What do you think about me?"

College Classes for Men!

College Classes For Men:

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!

6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away

7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill

15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the 4 Limitations of Your Kitchenware

17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means

19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action / Adventure" Category or selecting movies that don't star John Wayne on television.

21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh

23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet

24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed

25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!

26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty

27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them

28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

I'm Glad I'm A Woman

  • I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
  • I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
  • I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
  • I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
  • I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
  • And I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
  • I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
  • My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
  • And I don't go around "re adjusting" my crotch
  • Or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
  • I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
  • I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
  • I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
  • I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
  • It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
  • When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
  • And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
  • I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
  • Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
  • I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
  • And I honestly think its a privilege for me
  • To have these two boobs and squat when I pee
  • I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
  • I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
  • I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
  • Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
  • Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
  • Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
  • Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
  • You can forget all about that old penis envy
  • I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
  • Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
  • I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
  • I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!