Sexist Jokes - About Men

• Element Name: MAN
• Symbol: XY
• Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
• Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging.
• Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
• Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralized by dousing with alcohol.
• Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
• Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about." "You don't say."  said the first man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk." 

Q:  Why don't men get hemorrhoids?

A:  Because they are all perfect assholes!

Q:  What does a man consider a seven course meal?

A:  A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.  The garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Same work, more pay.  Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress are $5000, tux rental is only $100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.  New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  One mood all the time. 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.  You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  You can open all your own jars.  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.  Everything on your face stays its original color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.  You only have to shave your face and neck.  You can play with toys all your life.  One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.  You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.