Bride Joke

Q: Why do men always want their brides to wear white?
A: Because they want their dish washer to match their fridge and stove.

Woman In A Hardware Store

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said  "May I have one of those ?" The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards ?" Without a pause, she said, "Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."

It Only Hurt When...

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show. The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation. The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much.  Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...." "Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?" "Hell no!  It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"