Sex Jokes - Prostitute Jokes

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays-

Prostitute one: What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?

Prostitute two: Hundred dollars, as usual.

A union leader goes to Las Vegas and checks out the brothels. In the first one he asks if the girls belong to a union. “No,” replies the madame. “And what cut do the girls get?” asks the leader. “They take 20 percent,” replies the madame. Offended by this unfairness, the union leader goes to a second brothel and asks the same questions. Here he finds that the girls do belong to a union and get to keep 80 percent of their takings. “That’s better,” says the union leader. “I’d like to have the beautiful young redhead in the corner.” “Sure you would,” says the madame, beckoning to an old fat blonde. “But Ethel here has seniority.”

Two old guys, 80 years old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores. The woman said, "They're old, what are they gonna know?" So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls. After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, "How was your whore?" #2 said, "She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?" Old guy #1 goes, "She was a witch." #2 responds, "What do you mean a witch?" #1 says, "I bit her tit and she flew out the window!"

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

A: You won't cry when you're cutting up the hooker.

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”