Sex Jokes - Prostitute Jokes

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called "lady of the night". She says, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want." Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: "Ok. Paint my house, bitch!"

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.

She wakes up shocked and sees this koala bear going down on her, and she decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door.

The prostitute jumps up and yells at him, "Hey, you have to pay for that!" The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door. The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a prostitute!" She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition. PROSTITUTE (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services. The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear: KOALA (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas."  "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.  She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"  The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, "What do you want for your birthday?"

Smitty says, "I want to get laid."

So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.  

After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.  There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.

"Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?"

Smitty says, "For a hundred bucks I want her nude!"