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The best jokes and joke writers!

Movie Ratings

G: Nobody gets the girl.

PG: The good guy gets the girl.

R: The bad guy gets the girl.

X: Everybody gets the girl!

News Travels

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, "How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?" After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course, and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring, he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good time to be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he had to think of something quick because he wasn't going to outrun the lion. Just then the gorilla saw a hunter's tent and ducked inside to hide.The hunter, who was surfing the web on his iPad, was startled and ran out of the tent. The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter's shirt and hat, and started to scroll down the hunter's iPad. A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunter reading the iPad, said, "Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?" From behind the iPad the gorilla answered, "You mean the one that screwed the lion in the ass?" Flabbergasted, the lion said, "Holy Shit! It's posted on the internet already?"

The Yuppette Executive

The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level managers. "Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."

Curly Toes

Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity.

Well it wasn't long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed that Flo's toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out.

When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, "I must of been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out."

Flo looked at him and smiled. "That usually happens when you forget to remove my pantyhose!"

Some Quick Thinking

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making. The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

"Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to receive you."

"Okay." the man replies, "I'll go get ready." He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands. "Who the hell are you?!" the man asks.

"I'm from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise, and says... "Those little bastards!"