We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

BB's

There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom. He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spaghetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways. Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's!"
"Well did it hurt you?" said the mom.
"No" said the girl.
"O.K. then don't worry it will go away." Then the little boy runs down stairs,
"Mommy mommy I just peed BB's!"
"Well did it hurt" she says?
"No" says the boy.
"O.K. then don't worry about it, it will go away." Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down -
"Honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"

Valentine's Day

Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, and couples have Valentine's day what do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday.

A Yankee

Q: What is a yankee?

A: A quickie, but you do it yourself.

Checking the Rear Axle

On the drive over to his girlfriend's house, a guy listens to a call-in sex show on the radio. The host is explaining that masturbating before sex can help men last longer. The guy decides to give it a try. He pulls his truck over on the side of the highway, gets out and crawls underneath. Satisfied with the privacy, he undoes his pants, closes his eyes and starts to masturbate. Close to orgasm, he feels a tap on the bottom of his boot. Not wanting to lose his fantasy when he's so close, he squeezes his eyes shut tighter and stammers, "J-just checking the r-rear a-axle. Almost g-got it!" "Well, you might as well check your brakes while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

A Priest's Recommendation

One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage. Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem. Jimmy replied "Great father, I've saved a whole quart!"