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The best jokes and joke writers!

Lincoln Booty Call - Address

Can I give you my Gettysburg address? No? How about my Gettysburg phone number?

What Kind of A Woman...

"Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?" asked John "Yes, I will." Paula replied. "Would you do it for one thousand?" he asked. "Well maybe, or maybe I'd do something else for you." she answered with a wink. "How about a blowjob for $20?" responded John. "Hey! What kind of woman do you think I am?" Paula snapped, indignantly. "That's already been established, Paula. Now we're just haggling over the price!"

Clinton in Oz!

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage." "No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain." "Done" says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great Wizard?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done." Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?" And Willie replies - "Is Dorothy around?"

Hardware Store

A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge." The clerk says, "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?" The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."

Frigid Girlfriend

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?

A: When you open her legs the lights go on