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Ride 'em
One day, little Mikey came home from kindergarten and couldn't find his mother. So he headed upstairs and opened her bedroom door. To his surprise, he saw his dad stripped naked on top of his mom, who was also naked, both heavily into the sexual act. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continued to do what they were doing. After a couple of minutes, Mikey asked, "Daddy, can I climb on top and have a horsey ride?" The dad thinks for a second, "Of course son, we're a family." After a couple more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!" cries Mikey, "This is where me and the mailman usually fall off!"
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Substitutes
Q: How is a soy-burger like a dildo?
A: They're both substitutes for meat.
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Alien Imports
An alien walked into a bar and sat down next to a burly-looking construction worker. He ordered a tequila, then turned to the construction worker, poked him in the arm and said, ''Mommy!'' The man shuddered and said, ''Man, get off me!'' But the alien just looked at him, poked him again, and said, ''Mommy!'' The man got up and left the bar, muttering about the damn alien imports. The alien sighed, turned to the bartender and asked for a copy of the Chicago Times. The bartender gave it to him, and to his surprise, the alien started reading it with his dick! ''Man!'' said the bartender, ''If you read with your dick, then how in the hell do you have sex?'' The alien smiled, poked him in the arm and said ''Mommy!''
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