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Sex Jokes
Body Language
A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language. "Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast." "Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?" "Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."
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Made in Canada
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?" "Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton. "Oui?" "Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton. "No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms. "I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."" Easily done. Anything else?" "Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
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Charlie No More
Joe was sitting in his favorite bar having a few beers after work, when a beautiful woman sat down next to him. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place her.
"Hi, Joe," she said. "I haven't seen you in a long time."
Joe was puzzled. "Charlie, is that you?" What are you doing dressed up like a woman?"
"Well, Joe. It's a long story, but the bottom line is that I always felt like a woman trapped in a man's body, so I finally decided to do something about it. After a number of operations, I am now a woman."
Joe was initially shocked, but after admiring Charlie's breasts, he said, "Damn, Charlie, I bet it was pretty painful to have those implants put in."
"Yeah, but that wasn't the most painful part."Joe's gaze lowered, and he got a sick feeling in his stomach.
"Oh shit. You mean you had your penis and testicles cut off? I bet that was awful."
"Yes, that was pretty painful, but that wasn't the worst part."
"I don't believe it, Charlie. What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The final operation was the worst. That was when they did a craniotomy and took out half of my brain!"
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