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Sex Jokes
The Blonde Swears Off Men
A blond at a party was telling her friend that she had sworn off men for life. "They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator" "So, what will you do when the batteries run out?" asked her friend. "I'll just fake an orgasm like always!"
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Fulfilling a Promise
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that BJ I promised you? Here it comes..."
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Difference Between Blonde and Mosquito
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it!
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