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The best jokes and joke writers!


A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy." "What did you do?" the mother asked. "I hit him with my purse!"

Pregnant With A Boy

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard. They kicked the ball up in the trees and none of the boys could get it, so they go get the teacher, who was pregnant. So she goes up the tree and one boy screams. "The teacher is going to have a boy!" Several months go by, and he teacher does have a boy. The teacher calls the boy who shouted and asks, "How did you know I was going to have a boy?" The boy says, "You weren't wearing any panties and I saw its mustache."

Proverbs Finished by 4th Grade Class

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

  • It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test.
  • There is nothing new... under a rock.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
  • A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting.
  • If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica.
  • Better late than... absent.
  • A rolling stone... may dent the floor.
  • If at first you don't succeed... live with it.
  • Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
  • Cry... and then blow your nose.
  • A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
  • Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal.
  • Two heads... are pretty scary.
  • It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb.
  • A miss is as good as... a mister.
  • A penny saved... is not a lot.
  • Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake.
  • Haste makes... sweat.

Weenie Test

Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree. 

The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.  "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer. Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie." "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother. "Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?

"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen."

Jake the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

Little Jake says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an unlimited Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." 

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Jake, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.  "And how about you, Suzie?"

"I wanna be Jake’s whore."