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The best jokes and joke writers!

Grown Up Words

A teacher was teaching a class of five year olds and asked what they all did in the summer holidays. One boy said he got a ''choo-choo.'' The teacher said, "Please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is train." Another boy said he got a ''bow-wow.'' The teacher said please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is dog." Another boy said I got a ''Winnie the Shit.''

Birth Control Pills

A fourth grade teacher asks the class, "Have any of you ever saved somebody's life?" A little boy raises his hand, "Yes, my little nephew's." "Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?" asks the teacher. The little guy replies, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"


A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy." "What did you do?" the mother asked. "I hit him with my purse!"

Pregnant With A Boy

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard. They kicked the ball up in the trees and none of the boys could get it, so they go get the teacher, who was pregnant. So she goes up the tree and one boy screams. "The teacher is going to have a boy!" Several months go by, and he teacher does have a boy. The teacher calls the boy who shouted and asks, "How did you know I was going to have a boy?" The boy says, "You weren't wearing any panties and I saw its mustache."

Proverbs Finished by 4th Grade Class

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

  • It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test.
  • There is nothing new... under a rock.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
  • A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting.
  • If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica.
  • Better late than... absent.
  • A rolling stone... may dent the floor.
  • If at first you don't succeed... live with it.
  • Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
  • Cry... and then blow your nose.
  • A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
  • Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal.
  • Two heads... are pretty scary.
  • It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb.
  • A miss is as good as... a mister.
  • A penny saved... is not a lot.
  • Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake.
  • Haste makes... sweat.