Generous Offering

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills. When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand." The gay man stood up. The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns." "Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"

Oh Marie

One day at church, John asked Marie out to dinner. She accepted and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner at a very nice restaurant. When they sat down, John said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" "Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a joint.  "Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like to get high?" "Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed a motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. "Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with me?" "Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie. Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a hard U-turn and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie. The next morning John woke up first. He tenderly shook Marie and said, "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, what are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have to drink or do drugs to have a good time.

Sinner Bill

Q: Why do some people call Bill Clinton a sinner?
A: Because he broke the 11th commandment. ''Thou shalt not use thy rod on thy Staff''