Q: What's the difference between a circumcision and a crucifixion?
A: In a crucifixion, they throw away the whole Jew.
Mafia Christmas List
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
More Cool Bumper Stickers
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
- Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Prevent inbreeding: ban Country & Western music.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
- Lord save me from your followers.
- God must love stupid people. He made so many.
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
- Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?
Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia? Well God found plenty of guys who liked to deal with sheep, but he couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Life of Jesus
Our children's Sunday School classes were presenting their end of the year program for the congregation - telling about the life of Jesus. When it came to the part about Jesus' miracles, one little boy said, "Yes, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!" The teacher urged him to tell us more. He said, "Well, Jesus told them to open the tomb, and then He said, 'Lazarus, come out!' And it's a good thing he didn't just say 'Come out!' because there would have been a stampede of dead guys."