Change My Mind

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, "I'll give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. "I'll give a thousand dollars!"
The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"

God & The Two Gifts

When God created the earth, then Adam and Eve, he found he had two baubles left over.  He came to Adam and Eve and said, "I have two things left. One is the gift to piss while standing up."  Adam got very excited, "Oh, that would be so great, I would really like that. If I'm out in the fields, I can just go right there."  So Eve smiled and said, "Okay, it sounds like he really wants that."  As Adam tried out his new gift, he asked out of curiosity, "What was the other gift?".  "Oh,"  God said, looking at Eve with a smile, "Multiple orgasms!".

God Throwing Out Intelligence Insult

When God was raining intelligence down on the Earth, you were holding an umbrella!