God vs Satan

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's, and McDonald's brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."  And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to work to change channels. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. He created sour cream dip also, and Man clutched his remote control, and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw that and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery... And Satan created private health insurance ....

God Makes a Woman

And God Created The Woman. He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect. He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments. The Carpenter says, "Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Tailor says, "Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Architect says: "Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room."

Lonely Adam

One day God was talking to Adam and he said "Adam you look lonely, I know I'll give you a woman but it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam said "what can I get for a rib?" The rest is history.