Q: Have you heard about the sequel to the Exorcist?
A: In the new version, a woman hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son.
Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned" "What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl" "Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me." "Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven." So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"
Vatican Screen Saver
Net News - The Vatican has no gone on line with its own interactive website. The site is said to offer meany great new features including a downloadable picture of Jesus Christ which will bounce around your screen after a preset length of time. It has been christened the 'screen savior'.
On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town and pointing to it, told the children that it was St. Francis' Church. "It must be a franchise," her eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too."
More Church Bloopers!
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
- The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
- Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
- The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
- Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
- Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
- The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"
- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
- Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!