Clinton at the Pearly Gates

Clinton died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton." "And what do you want?" asked St. Peter. "Lemme in!" replied Clinton. "Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex - but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all hope upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Extreme Uber

A Muslim Extremist orders an Uber. His uber driver arrives so he gets in the car and then asks the driver a question.
Extremist: in the time of Muhammad did they have radio?
Driver: no.
Extremist: so why do you have the radio on?
Driver: turns off radio
The extremist then asks another question:
Extremist: in the time of Muhammad did they have air conditioning?
Driver: no.
Extremist: so why are you using it?
Driver: turns of the air conditioner
The driver decided to ask the extremist a question.
Driver: in the time of Muhammad did they have Uber?
Extremist: obviously not.
Driver: then get the fuck out!

God being Man

Q: How do we know that God is a man?
A: Because if God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.