Pope's Crossword

On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, "What's a four-letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"
The bishop said, "Did you try "aunt?"
The Pope said,"Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?"

Spelling Test into Heaven

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. God leaves and a man comes floating up and says, ''Please let me in to heaven.'' The other man says, ''I have to give you a test first.'' The man coming into heaven says, ''Oh jeez I'm not too good at tests!'' The other man says, ''Spell LOVE'' The man spells it, and he is let into heaven. Then a woman comes floating up and says, ''Please let me into heaven,'' and the man replies, ''Only if you pass this test.'' The woman says, ''Oh no, I'm not very good at tests.'' The man says, ''Your test is to spell LOVE.'' She spells it correctly, and is let into heaven. The next person that comes floating up is the man's wife. She says, ''Okay honey, let me in to heaven.'' The man says, ''I have to give everyone a test before I let them in to heaven.'' She says, ''Okay, make it an easy one!'' Then the man says, ''Spell Hemorrhoid.''

Rabbi's Advice

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously says, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi.