Little Old Lady on a Crowded Bus

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady.  It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have,  you would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you have?" The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah."

Dog's Letters To God

• Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
• Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
• Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
• Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
• Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
• Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Reward for Faithfulness

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth, I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you."
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."
The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four bedroom house and a BMW."
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation."
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!"
The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"