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Religion Jokes
Arriving in Heaven
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: "Hi, what's your name?"
Paul: "My name is Paul."
St. Peter: "Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Paul: "120K."
St. Peter: "Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?"
Paul: "I was a lawyer."
St. Peter: "That's great. Come on in."
St. Peter then turned to the second man. "Hi, what's your name?"
Roger: "My name is Roger."
St. Peter: "Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Roger: "60K."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?"
Roger: "I was an accountant."
St. Peter: "That's very good. Come on in."
St. Peter then turned to the third man. "Hi, what's your name?"
John: "My name is John."
St. Peter: "Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?"
John: "About $23,000."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?"
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Duck Heaven
Once upon a time there was three sisters that went to duck heaven. St. Patrick welcomed them and said, "We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!" So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped. After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth! After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth! After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St. Patrick said, "You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!" So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth! "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked the man. "Well I don't know about you lady," replied the man. "But I stepped on a duck!!!"
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PMS in the Bible
The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible.
After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, "Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS."
The minister scratched his head... thought for a moment and said, "Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I'm sure that it exists. See me after next week's service and I will give you an answer."
The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer.
The preacher said, "Yes, my dear, that passage does in fact exist." She said, "Well please tell me where PMS is mentioned in the Bible. I've read it many, many times and I have never seen it mentioned at all."
Preacher says, "Its right in the book of Matthew." She said, "No way, I've read that several times and its not mentioned at all!"
He said, "It certaintly is, if you remember in the Christmas story, it states very specifically... that Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!"
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