Religion Jokes

Jewish

I've always thought, when someone says they are Jewish they sound like they aren't sure about their religion.
"I'm Jew... ish"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Jewish Jokes) , Funny Thoughts
Copyright © 2014 - Kiel Phillips - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Written By: KielPhillips

Arriving in Heaven

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: "Hi, what's your name?"
Paul: "My name is Paul."
St. Peter: "Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Paul: "120K."
St. Peter: "Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?"
Paul: "I was a lawyer."
St. Peter: "That's great. Come on in." 
St. Peter then turned to the second man. "Hi, what's your name?"
Roger: "My name is Roger."
St. Peter: "Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Roger: "60K."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?"
Roger: "I was an accountant."
St. Peter: "That's very good. Come on in." 
St. Peter then turned to the third man. "Hi, what's your name?"
John: "My name is John."
St. Peter: "Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?"
John: "About $23,000."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?"

Categories: Profession Jokes , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Duck Heaven

Once upon a time there was three sisters that went to duck heaven. St. Patrick welcomed them and said, "We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!" So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped. After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth! After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth! After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St. Patrick said, "You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!" So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth! "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked the man. "Well I don't know about you lady," replied the man. "But I stepped on a duck!!!"

Categories: Animal Jokes (Duck Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Sister Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Appearance Jokes (Ugly Jokes)
Anonymous