I'm John The Baptist

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!" The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did not!"

Stairway to Heaven

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went to heaven. "There are 1,000 steps to heaven and I will tell you a joke at every step. If you laugh, you don't get to heaven," God told the girls. The redhead made it to the 45th step, the brunette made it to the 200th step, and the blonde made it to the 999th step. When the blonde arrived at the 999th step, she laughed before God could even tell her the joke. "What's so funny? I haven't even told the joke yet," God said. "I know! I just got the first one!" the blonde replied.

Why David Killed Goliath

Q: Do you know why David killed Goliath and then decapitated him?
A: He wanted to get a-head!