Hanukkah Gifts

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked. "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What's Hanukkah?" John asked. "It's the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights." "Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What's wrong? Where's your present from last night?" asks John. Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

Live Forever

A man tells a Rabbi that he has the desire to live forever. "What can I do?"
The Rabbi said: "Go and get married."
"Will I then live forever?" the man asked.
"No, but the desire does go away."

The Fundamentalist Christian Dog

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.
At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.
They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.  Well, they said, "let's try this out."  
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"  Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.