Propose this toast: John, you are a lucky groom; you've got Mary. She's beautiful, smart, funny, warm, and loving. Mary, you've got.... John.
Three Married Couples
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary." Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up." Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right."
Wedding Day Baseball
There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his wedding day. The guy at the plate hits the ball, and it nails Joe right in the genitals. His teammates rush him to the hospital and take him into the emergency room. As he's lying on the table the doctor looks at him and says, ''That's pretty bad. I don't think there's anything I can do for that.'' Joe says, ''Oh please doc it's my wedding night. You've gotta do something!'' The doctor then says, ''Well, I can put two tongue depressors around it and wrap it with gauze tape to immobilize it.'' Joe says, ''Oh thank you, doc. Just don't tell my fiancé.'' They get married and later that night Joe's lying on the bed and his wife comes out in a sexy outfit. She unbuttons it, grabs her breasts and says, ''Do you see these beautiful breasts? No one else has ever seen these. I've been saving them just for you.'' ''Thats nothing,'' Joe replies. He pulls down his pants and says, ''Look at this. It's not even out of the box yet!''
A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. Because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend. They were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said, "That'll be an additional $150 a piece." "Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"
A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen. "What can I help you with?'' he asked. ''Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?'' ''Ma'am,'' he answered, ''that there is called a penis.'' ''I see,'' she said. ''Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?'' ''Why that there is called the head of the penis.'' ''I do declare!'' exclaimed the young woman. ''One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?'' ''I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!''