Wedding Day Baseball
There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his wedding day. The guy at the plate hits the ball, and it nails Joe right in the genitals. His teammates rush him to the hospital and take him into the emergency room. As he's lying on the table the doctor looks at him and says, ''That's pretty bad. I don't think there's anything I can do for that.'' Joe says, ''Oh please doc it's my wedding night. You've gotta do something!'' The doctor then says, ''Well, I can put two tongue depressors around it and wrap it with gauze tape to immobilize it.'' Joe says, ''Oh thank you, doc. Just don't tell my fiancé.'' They get married and later that night Joe's lying on the bed and his wife comes out in a sexy outfit. She unbuttons it, grabs her breasts and says, ''Do you see these beautiful breasts? No one else has ever seen these. I've been saving them just for you.'' ''Thats nothing,'' Joe replies. He pulls down his pants and says, ''Look at this. It's not even out of the box yet!''
A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. Because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend. They were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said, "That'll be an additional $150 a piece." "Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"
A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen. "What can I help you with?'' he asked. ''Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?'' ''Ma'am,'' he answered, ''that there is called a penis.'' ''I see,'' she said. ''Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?'' ''Why that there is called the head of the penis.'' ''I do declare!'' exclaimed the young woman. ''One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?'' ''I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!''
What's in a Name
Q: If a person from Holland marries a person from the Philippines, what would their babies be called?
The Most Dangerous Food
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."