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The best jokes and joke writers!

Reporting In

Best man reading a telegram: From your friends on the H.M.C.S. Harmen, "At ten o clock, please report position and depth."

Appear on Television

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Wednesday, October 21, 1992 In July, Danny Fouts, his wife and her sister, while in New York City to appear on the "Sally Jessy Raphael" show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting their wedding supplies on their wedding day in March, were arrested for stealing from the New York Ramada Hotel the TV show had booked them in for their stay.

Girl Talk

The Franklin Factor:  Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:  If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:  Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule:  A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call:  Never pick up the phone on Saturday night, it's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:  They say there are lots of good fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:  Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.

The Unintended Result:

  • Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy
  • Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love
  • Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex
  • Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.

The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.

The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.

Twain's Truth:  Familiarity breeds children.

The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single.

The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.

Italian Wedding Night Tradition

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol -- this is a job for Mama!"

The Honeymoon.

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.  An elderly couple ran the resort and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. "Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love. "The old man replied, "I thought so, but would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking the shit out of my ducks!"