Job For Mom
In the old country, it is a custom for women to enter virginal and sexually ignorant into marriages arranged by their parents. In one particular case, an attractive young maid, from a very poor family was wed to a well-off, but relatively unattractive businessman. When the wedding night finally came, the couple, at the bride's insistence, stayed in a hotel near her families home. Early in the evening, the bride came rushing through the door. "Mother, Mother!" cried the girl, "He says that we should sleep together!" "It's alright, girl, married people sleep together. Now go back before he starts to worry about you." "Oh," said the girl, and returned to her husband who had already begun to disrobe. When she saw his hairy chest, she went running back to her mother. "Mother, Mother, he is taking off his clothes, and he is covered in hair!" "It's alright girl, men have hair on their bodies, don't let it bother you... Now, get back their before he starts wondering about you." When she returns, she finds the man naked for the first time, and sees that he had part of his right foot amputated. She flees, in fright, back to mom. "Mother, mother, he only has a foot and a half!" "Stand back, girl!" says the mother, "This is a job for a real woman!"
Best man reading a telegram: From your friends on the H.M.C.S. Harmen, "At ten o clock, please report position and depth."
Appear on Television
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Wednesday, October 21, 1992 In July, Danny Fouts, his wife and her sister, while in New York City to appear on the "Sally Jessy Raphael" show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting their wedding supplies on their wedding day in March, were arrested for stealing from the New York Ramada Hotel the TV show had booked them in for their stay.
Huge Guy and Tiny Girl Get Married
A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?" The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down. "His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad!" The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to!"
The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.
The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.
The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.
The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.
The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night, it's a call from a creep you told you were busy.
The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.
The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.
Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.
The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
The Unintended Result:
- Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy
- Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love
- Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex
- Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.
The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.
The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.
Twain's Truth: Familiarity breeds children.
The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single.
The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.