Pre Wedding Blow Job
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
Royal Family Wedding
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony. The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. "Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!" The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"
On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!
Married at a Nudist Colony
Q: Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony?
A: They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was!