Royal Family Wedding
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony. The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. "Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!" The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"
On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!
Married at a Nudist Colony
Q: Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony?
A: They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was!
Tom's dream was to marry a sweet, innocent virgin. He'd been going with Jane for a few months, when he decided to test her. As they drove along in the car, he unzipped his fly, turned to her and said, "Do you want to see my wee-wee?" She yelled,
"No! No! Please zip up your fly!" Instead of being annoyed, Tom was happy. On the eve of their engagement to be married, he tried the same thing, with the same result. Finally, on their wedding night, they were alone in the hotel room when he unzipped his fly again and said to her,
"Honey, now that we're married you can now look at what I've got here," and proceeded to take out his dick. She looked at it and said,
"Oh, what a sweet looking wee-wee!" Tom said,
"No darling--you don't have to call it a wee-wee anymore; you can call it a cock." She looked at it a while and then said,
"No, Tom, what you have 'is' a wee-wee." A 'cock' is long, thick, and black!!!