You'll Never Hear a Man Say...
Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say:
- Here honey, you use the remote.
- You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
- Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
- While I'm up, can I get you anything?
- Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?
- Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?
- Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
- Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.
- We never talk anymore.
Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replied; "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
Guide For All Women
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY. I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY. I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED. I'm tired.
I'VE GOTTA GO. Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
WHAT'S WRONG? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
WHAT'S WRONG? What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. I liked it better before.
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!
LET'S TALK, HONEY. I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.
- Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
- Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
- Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
- War not determine who right, war determine who left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
- It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
- Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
- Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.
Woman With a Black Eye
A woman went to the bar with a black eye. "How'd ya get that?" asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town?" he asked. "So did I!" she said.