The Rules ... by Men
- Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
- If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret, girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
- It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
- Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
- When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
Penny Thoughts
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts."
The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?"
To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
Shared Decision Making
My wife and I have an agreement that works... She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFC's from automobile air conditioners.
Civil Engineer's Relationship
Q: Why was the civil engineer's relationship so unstable?
A: Because there was no truss left!
Hunting Trip
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" one of his campmates asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
