Body Language

A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language. "Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast." "Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?" "Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."

Shagging

My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related?" I said, "No man, that would just make us even."

Rabbi's Advice

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously says, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi.