Paradox of Woman
- If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
- If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
- If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
- If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
- If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
- If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
- If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
- If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
- If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
- If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
- If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
- If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
- If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
- If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.
Knock Knock - Kiss
There's a couple that has been dating for a while. As much as he wants to, she won't sleep with him, because she's saving her virginity for marriage. Just as they were kissing, he's becoming hotter and hotter, and he said, "Oh come on, just a feel." To which she replies, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage!" They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel." She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage." So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?" She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage." He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage." He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?" She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for marriage." He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no more,and we'll stop after that." She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all." He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... he's so hot and ready that he can't control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, "Okay, go ahead and put it the whole way in!!" A little stunned, he says, "No no...absolutely not, a deals a deal!"
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. "Well," he says, "Ive been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!" The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
Flight to Chicago
A seasoned FireEye sales manager boarded his Delta flight in CVG and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman coming down the isle. He soon realized she was heading for the seat next to him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said. "What kind of myths?" "Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait." "Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry", she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."