I married a beautiful woman - a smart one too.
Hopefully they’ll never meet.
Spending the Night
My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?" I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house." He said, "So?" And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"
The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head. They were looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see." A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman!?" The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please! I'm going to have enough trouble explaining you to her."
A man is only as faithful as his options.
As I was watering the plants, my wife told me
"After you are done watering the plants, we need to talk about what I saw on your phone".
It's been 4 days, and I'm still watering the plants.