Saxophone

Q: Why did Bill Clinton give up the saxophone?
A: Because he had a hor-monica.

54 Year Old Accountant

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:
Dear Wife, (that's what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband, (that's what she called him) I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!

Wife's Heart Attack

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet, and he's got no clothes on!" He slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife. He rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor. "You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"