Single Drummer

Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

A Sudden Change of Mind

My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.
Yours Always and Truly,
John
 
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

Almost Celibate

"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She broke down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year?"