The Divorce Infraction

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.  During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions."Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and 'not to worry.'"  "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more.  When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."  "THAT'S when I hit him!"

Grab Him By The

Treat him like a flower...grab him by the stalk.

Candles

Q: Why are some married men like candles?
A: Because they occasionally go out at night when they should not.