Dream Flying Planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob would ask and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."  The years went by and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show explaining, it's free to  watch, let's at least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become even stronger. Sue and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard.  Listening to their problem, he said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you bark one sound, you pay ten dollars.  So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.  Heading off the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back to the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"  "Well, I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

The Raffle Ticket

A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

The Computer Dating Site Responds

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating site and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.
The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.