Better Relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."
The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

Still Dancing

A husband takes his wife to a disco and they see a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, doing back flips, the works.  The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
The husband looks over and says, "Yeah? Looks like he's still celebrating!" 

The Real Joe Schmoe!

Joe was not a very romantic person, furthermore he was rather stupid. However, he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads. He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said, "Sugar, sugar?" Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room. Another table over Joe observed the following, a man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, "Honey, honey?" Again Joe thought this was good stuff. Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said, "Ham, pig?"