Close Your Eyes

Q: Why does a woman close her eyes when she's having sex ?
A: Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!

Wedding Pants

On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," said the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her new husband to try them on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." 

Candlelight Dinner

Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.