A Wife Defined

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

Incompatible

Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone:
My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole!

The Life Of The Party

The couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.
"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic, and how handsome you are?"
"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't think anyone ever did?"
"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea!!!"