Top 10 NOT to Say To Parents Before a Date

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.
10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
9. "Show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
2. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"

The Big Scare

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

Sex Signals

Lisa complained to her friend Suzie how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband. "I know a simple trick,” Suzie said. “Whenever I want to have sex with Ralph, I gently put my hand on his dick and say, "Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?" And that's it! Works every time!
Lisa was impressed and said she would try it when her husband got home that night. When they met the next day, Suzie asked how it went. Lisa immediately started crying. “We’re getting a divorce!” she sobbed. “What? What happened?” Suzie asked concerned. “I tried to do your trick, but as I laid my hand on his dick, it was actually quite warm. I didn’t know what to say, so I asked him, "Why isn't your dick cold, like Ralph’s?”