Can't Win

My girlfriend got annoyed because I didn't have a pet name for her, then went crazy when I started calling her "Rover"

A Horrible Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".

Taking A Bath

You know you're a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmission from the tub first.