Love Him When He's Old and Feeble

Husband: Darling, will you love me when I'm old and feeble?
Wife: You bet I do.

Laying Down the Rules

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not!"

Chinese Anniversary

Went to a Chinese restaurant today with my new girlfriend to celebrate our two month anniversary. The philosophical message in my fortune cookie read, "Every exit is an entrance."
Long story short, my girlfriend said no.